Pangalan Mo

Isinulat ni Kezia Jiao


Pangalan mo, kasing banayag ng relihiyon ko

May kislap sa mga mata ko tuwing nakikita ko ang pangalan mo

pero katulad ng pangalan mo may nagmamay-ari nito



hindi sa akin kundi sa kanya

wala naman akong paki-alam kung sa kanya ka

pero sa tuwing nakikita ko ang pangalan mo

tila parang litratong nagbibigay alaala sa mga sandaling magkasama tayo



Alam ko sa bawat mensaheng natatanggap ko galing sa’yo

walang kislap walang kinang ang mga sagot mo

hindi katulad ng pagtingin ko sa bawat letra ng pangalan mo



Sa tuwing nakikita ko ang pangalan mo lumilitaw sa listahan ng mga mensahe ko

may pintig, may bilis sa tibok ng puso ko hindi mawari hindi maintindihan

pero alam ko sa sarili ko na hangang pangalan lang ako



pangalan mo hangang dun na lang talaga siguro

ayokong umasa dahil alam ko masasaktan lang ako

dito na lang ako sa reyalidad na kung saan ang pangalan mo

ay parang anino ng aking kahapon.



Tell Me

Tell me

what did you see in her

for you to think that

it was better to leave

me, and be with her.


Tell me

does she whisper “I love you”

sweeter than I did

does she hold your hand

tighter, like she is more afraid

to let you go

like her life is unimaginable

without you.


Tell me

does she sing to the songs

you play, does she laugh louder

at your corny jokes, does she

make your coffee as perfect as I did.

Does she even know you love

it when it rains, you loathe it

when the sun touches your skin,

does she take note of these things?

Does she hug you like

it would be the last

does she kiss you when you’re mad,

when you’re down, when

you’re happy, when you least

expect it.


Tell me

what did you see in her

that you did not see in me

does she do things better than

I did, does she love you

more than I did?


Tell me

just tell me these things

just give me reasons

lie or truth, I promise

to believe.


Tell me

just give me something to blame

so I could stop thinking, where

it all went wrong

so I could stop crying at night

blaming myself, blaming you

blaming what I did, blaming

what I said. And I cry even more

knowing that nothing went wrong

you just decided to let go.




We were side by side

That one day in April

You reached for my hand

And asked me to look up to the sky

“It’s blue,” I said.

“Yes, it is. It means sadness… but now that I’m looking

at it while holding your hand, it brings me so much


Then you looked at me

Smiling so bright and whispered,

“I love you.”



The way you whispered those words

The way I gasped as I feel those words

It made my knees weak

It sent shivers to my spine

It brought butterflies in my stomach

“I love you,”

I whispered as well.






How we spent our days together, that

We almost believed in forever

We even promised to be with each other

But then…



The day you begged me to let you go

Not because we fell out of love, or so

You just begged me to let you go

And I did because I love you so

I did because I want you to be happy, it’s true

I did even though it was breaking my heart

in more than two

I did because I believed in songs from stereo

I did because I thought you just needed time for yourself too


And I regret it

I regret everything

I regret saying yes to your stupid reasons

Now my mind is clouded up with questions

“How did you manage to look happier?”

When I still go to sleep

Remembering your smell

And  always wake up with a thought

A hope that you would still be here

to the next guy who would dare say he loves me

it will be difficult to convince me of what you feel,

for I’ve been in many situations where guys would cover with lies what’s real

so please be patient with me and don’t give up right away

make me believe that this time, someone is willing to stay


I’ll doubt your words, so you have to be persistent

I’ll act like I don’t care, so you have to be confident

when I text you, call you, or chat you first it’s a sign

I’m opening up; soon I’ll be calling you mine


I like “good mornings” and “good nights” the most

at morning, remind me of my coffee and toast

I like receiving notes, and I still think love letters are the best

travels, food, music, movies,  books… those are what’s inside my treasure chest


I’ll care for you, I’ll miss you, but I won’t say it

I’m not a cheesy person, but I’ll love it if sometimes you’re sweet

expensive dates and gifts, those are not my thing

a walk in a park, a museum visit, or a coffee date— we can do these and just talk about anything


I won’t require you to spend most of your time with me

I won’t be clingy, and I won’t get jealous easily

but this doesn’t  mean I care for you less

I just think we need time for others, for ourselves… I guess



I won’t be demanding, but know I’ll need you

when I’m down, a hug will always do

try not to lie, and always say the things you have in mind

these and more will lead to us intertwined

No One

Nobody knows that you’re tired of everything

That you’re barely alive and breathing

You’ve tried enough but the demands are too much

You always end up going back to scratch

You were so fragile, so pure

Everything was serene, every wound has a cure.


Until the ajar door into reality

Opened wide, you stepped into it excitedly

Because you thought it was the same world you made yourself believe

At last! Seeing it is the purpose you live

You thought it’s a world of bliss

It’s a world you would hug and kiss

But then, the more you hug it, its thorns come out and make you bleed

The more you want to kiss it, it seeks more than what it need.


You wait for others to sleep in the middle of the night

And there, you lie so weak, with no one in sight

You question everything, how your perspectives changed

You can’t come up with an answer, in pain you cringed

You sob, and sob, and sob some more

You sob like you’ve never done it before

You bang your head on the wall

In hopes that that situation you won’t recall.


No one

You think there is no one

You’re too focused with your pain

You think it’s the only thing you gain

But darling, you forgot to recognize someone’s name

Even without calling Him, know He’s taking all your shame

You always seek comfort from those who disappoint you

When there He is, willing to love all of you

You think He created rain to drown you

When all He wanted is to wash away your thoughts of being blue

You blame the sun for having you feel burn

When all He wanted was to show how bright His love could turn

You loathe everything around you

When He created it all because of His love for you.


No one.

There is no one…

but Him who stayed with you.