Indie Songs and Beers

midnight has struck

half of the people are asleep

but I lay awake

with lots of things in my head

I checked my phone

scrolled a little

then things slowly crept in my mind

and I could not resist

but entertain them

I put my phone down

and let them in

same things

same memories

flashed back

same person

same words

but the pain they bring

it never seem to lessen

tears fell one by one

until I cried a river

my phone beeped

I ignored it

another beep, and another, and another…

I blocked all the thoughts

and checked who’s reaching out

I saw your name

“Beer?” you asked.

“Now?” I replied.

“Yes. Saguijo or 12 Monkeys?”

I got up and changed

“Booked a Grab to Saguijo,” I said few minutes after.

“See you,” you replied.

and so, there we met

indie bands with members younger than us

were playing

we stayed a little

and went to another bar nearby

wandered some more

booked a Grab every time we switched places

inside the car

we could smell cigarettes and beers

but not too drunk for another beer

and so we transferred

from one bar to another

and waited for the sun to rise

in a fast food restaurant

we booked a Grab home

when the sun started to rise

“12 Monkeys next Sat?” you asked.

“Sure,” I replied.

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In Loneliness, I Found Him

Going to places, eating in a restaurant, having a cup of coffee, strolling… these are the things I refused to do… ALONE. I’d rather stay at home and read a book than go to a place I really love just by myself. I’m willing to starve myself if that means not eating in a restaurant alone. Yes, I was that kind of a person. I didn’t like doing stuff alone. I always needed someone, somebody to be with me. That was me.

But no… not these days anymore. Three weeks ago, I went to a mall and ate alone. It was a strange experience. I did not even mind the stares I received, or maybe I was too sad to mind them. You see, recently I felt like an outcast to the world I was so comfortable and familiar with. It’s hard to reach out to everybody; nobody’s even willing to drink coffee with me because they were too busy.

And I felt it.

I did.

I was lonely.

For a week, I would stay late at night pretending to be doing something important, but honestly, I was just waiting. A message from someone maybe? A notification. A hello. Anything, anyone reaching out for me.

No one.

No one did.

And that’s when I figured everything out. I was by myself. I found it ironic and funny at first, but I also felt sadness. That’s when reality hits me. I needed it. I needed that loneliness, that sadness to realize that no, I can never be alone. Sure there was nobody reaching out for me, but I found myself talking. I found myself asking questions. I found myself confiding.

I was never really ALONE.

 I found Him.

It was surreal. I felt lonely, but then I was talking to somebody. Subconsciously, I was able to overcome my fear of being lonely, because hey, He was there! He is here. And for the first time in my life, I realized that it is fun to be lonely, because being lonely means an intimate time with Him.