Going to places, eating in a restaurant, having a cup of coffee, strolling… these are the things I refused to do… ALONE. I’d rather stay at home and read a book than go to a place I really love just by myself. I’m willing to starve myself if that means not eating in a restaurant alone. Yes, I was that kind of a person. I didn’t like doing stuff alone. I always needed someone, somebody to be with me. That was me.
But no… not these days anymore. Three weeks ago, I went to a mall and ate alone. It was a strange experience. I did not even mind the stares I received, or maybe I was too sad to mind them. You see, recently I felt like an outcast to the world I was so comfortable and familiar with. It’s hard to reach out to everybody; nobody’s even willing to drink coffee with me because they were too busy.
And I felt it.
I was lonely.
For a week, I would stay late at night pretending to be doing something important, but honestly, I was just waiting. A message from someone maybe? A notification. A hello. Anything, anyone reaching out for me.
No one did.
And that’s when I figured everything out. I was by myself. I found it ironic and funny at first, but I also felt sadness. That’s when reality hits me. I needed it. I needed that loneliness, that sadness to realize that no, I can never be alone. Sure there was nobody reaching out for me, but I found myself talking. I found myself asking questions. I found myself confiding.
I was never really ALONE.
I found Him.
It was surreal. I felt lonely, but then I was talking to somebody. Subconsciously, I was able to overcome my fear of being lonely, because hey, He was there! He is here. And for the first time in my life, I realized that it is fun to be lonely, because being lonely means an intimate time with Him.