Two weeks ago, we met and went to a friend. I was actually hesitant to go upon finding out that it’s only the two of us, but we were at the meeting place already and you said we should go since our time would be wasted. And so we did, even though we really had no idea where to find our friend’s place. Luckily, we managed to be there, stayed for an hour and went home… Before I slept that night, I realized something.
It was gone. The love I used to feel for you, it’s not the same. You’re just what you’re supposed to be now. A friend. And I’m happy because I can finally say it without a sigh. You are my friend.
You are my friend from the start, or classmate rather. We exchanged numbers, texted each other, became friends on Facebook and became close friends. Second semester came, you had your ‘major’ and thus, transferred to another section. But we did not lose communication, we see each other often at school, we go out with our friends from time to time, we text and chat. I don’t know when it started, but I remember how it started. We used to be on messenger almost every day, talk about things. You would always leave a comment on my posts, almost every post. I also remember commenting something like “I love it” on your post and you replied “I love you”. I also remember you saying “I love yous” and “I miss yous” on messenger, and eventually I replied with “I love you too” or “I miss you too”. My friends said there’s a spark between us when we talk at school. We were sweet, they said. That was how we were.
And then you changed your status from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’ with some other girl. I was confused. But you remained the same. You still comment on my posts and yours with “I love yous”, even on messenger. I remember thinking of asking you “hindi ba nagagalit girlfriend mo pag nakikita niya mga comment mo?” But I was too afraid you would change. I was afraid to let you go. And then you broke up. And we’re still the same. I don’t know how long it took but you had another girlfriend. It was really confusing because we were okay. When we see each other at school, on messenger; everything was okay. Worst, she was your classmate when often, your friends would tease you with me at school. My friends teased me too. But you? You’re still you. You were still the sweet ‘friend’.
Five years? Six years? I don’t know how long it has been. But slowly, I was able to convince myself not to fall for your words (and some actions). There were still “I miss yous” from you, sometimes “gusto na kita makita” but I’m not sure how to address those words anymore. You’re still with your girlfriend, and I am truly happy about it. I see you’re happy with her and I really hope you’d end up together.
I love you. But now, it’s the kind of love I feel for the rest of our friends. I’m happy that we are still friends, but I would really love to hear your answer to this question:
Ako lang ba? Ako lang ba ng nakaramdam ng ganun? Umasa ba ko ng di mo sinasadya?